Grief and Loss Therapy in Agoura Hills, CA
Grief Does Not Follow a Schedule
Grief is not a problem to be solved. It is a response to losing someone or something that mattered, and it moves at its own pace regardless of what anyone expects.
People often come to therapy not because they are grieving, but because they think they are grieving wrong. Too long, too hard, not enough, at the wrong moments. There is far more range in normal grief than most people realize.
What therapy offers is a place where the loss can take up as much room as it actually takes up, without needing to be managed for anyone else's comfort.
How Grief Looks in Children and Teens
Children do not grieve in a straight line. A child can be devastated one hour and playing normally the next, and parents sometimes read that as not caring. It is not. Children grieve in bursts because sustained grief is more than they can hold at once.
In children ages 8 and up, grief often shows up indirectly: trouble sleeping, stomach aches, clinginess, irritability, a drop in schoolwork, or sudden worry about the safety of remaining family members.
Teenagers more often withdraw. They may not want to talk to parents at all, partly to protect them, which is one reason an outside person can be useful.
Losses That Bring People to Therapy
Grief attaches to more than death, and losses that go unrecognized are often the hardest to carry.
- The death of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or friend
- The death of a pet, which for many children is their first real loss
- A death that was sudden, violent, or by suicide
- Anticipatory grief during a long illness
- Losses that are not deaths at all, including divorce, a move, or estrangement
- Grief that resurfaces years later, often at an anniversary or a milestone
If you or your child are having thoughts of suicide, please reach out now. Call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741. Both are free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day. Call 911 if there is immediate danger. You do not have to wait for an appointment to get help.
How I Work With Grief
With adults, much of the work is being able to say the true thing out loud, including the parts that feel unacceptable, such as relief, anger at the person who died, or guilt about moving forward.
With children and teens I use age-appropriate approaches, because younger clients often express through activity and indirect conversation more readily than through direct questions about feelings.
I also work with parents on how to talk to a grieving child, which is one of the most common things families ask about. Children generally handle honest, simple information better than adults expect, and they nearly always sense when something is being withheld.
Supporting a Grieving Child at Home
Parents often ask what they are supposed to say. In practice, what helps most is not a particular script but a willingness to let the child lead and to tolerate not fixing it.
Answer the questions they actually ask, in language suited to their age, rather than the larger questions you assume are underneath. Children tend to ask for information in small pieces, absorb it, and come back later with more. That is a healthy process, not avoidance.
It is also worth knowing that letting a child see you grieve is generally good for them. It shows the feeling is survivable and permitted. Children who never see an adult grieve often conclude they should be hiding it too.
Grief That Resurfaces Later
Grief is not finished when the acute period ends. It commonly returns at anniversaries, holidays, graduations, weddings, and births, and at the age when a parent died.
Children in particular re-grieve as they develop. A child who lost a parent at eight will understand that loss differently at thirteen and differently again at twenty, and each new understanding can bring the grief back in a new form. This is normal and does not mean the earlier work failed.
Coming back to therapy at those points is reasonable and common. It is not starting over.
In-Person and Virtual Sessions
My office is in Agoura Hills, and I see clients from Westlake Village, Oak Park, Calabasas, Thousand Oaks, Woodland Hills and the surrounding areas. Virtual sessions are available to anyone located in California.
I work with children ages 8 and up, teenagers, adults, and seniors. If you are not sure whether therapy is the right step right now, a free phone consultation is a low-pressure way to find out.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is there something wrong if I am still grieving after a year?
Almost certainly not. There is no standard timeline, and grief commonly resurfaces at anniversaries, holidays, and milestones for years. What matters more than duration is whether you are able to function and whether the grief is becoming more bearable over time.
How do I know if my child needs grief counseling?
Consider reaching out if the grief is interfering with school, sleep, eating, or friendships for a sustained period, if your child has become withdrawn, or if they seem unable to talk about the loss at all. A free phone consultation is often enough to sort out whether therapy makes sense.
Should children attend funerals?
It depends on the child, and there is no general right answer. What tends to matter more than the decision itself is how it is made. Children usually do better when someone explains beforehand what will happen and what they will see, and when they are given a real choice rather than being required to attend or kept away without explanation. Age, temperament, and how close they were to the person all play a part. If you are working with a therapist, this is worth thinking through together, and it is a common thing to bring to a first session.
Do you work with grief after a suicide?
Yes. Loss by suicide carries elements that other losses do not, including guilt and unanswerable questions. It deserves specific attention rather than being treated as ordinary bereavement.
What ages do you work with?
I work with children ages 8 and up, teenagers, adults, and seniors. Sessions are available in person in Agoura Hills and virtually anywhere in California.