You know that feeling when your child comes to you at bedtime, eyes wide, voice shaking, worried about something that to an adult seems entirely manageable, but to them feels like the end of the world? You say the thing every parent says: "It's going to be fine." It helps for about ten minutes. Then they're back, same worry, same fear, and you're lying there wondering what you're missing.
In my twenty-plus years working as a child and family therapist, I have sat with hundreds of parents who feel exactly this way. If you are exhausted and searching for answers, I want you to know two things: childhood anxiety is highly treatable, but the strategies that actually work often go entirely against our parental instincts.
Here are eight practical strategies to help your child work through their anxiety.
1. Recognize when worry crosses the line
Every kid worries sometimes. A big test, a new school, or a friend who said something hurtful at recess. That's normal development. But there is a difference between situational nerves and anxiety that's running the show. Pay attention if your child is lying awake at night replaying conversations, flat-out refusing to go to normal social events, or complaining of physical symptoms like stomachaches every Monday morning before school.
2. Resist the urge to simply reassure
When our child comes to us panicking, our first impulse is to fix it. We say, "There's nothing to worry about," because we want to take their pain away. But constant reassurance can actually make anxiety worse over time. It accidentally teaches a child that the anxious feeling is too big or dangerous to sit with, and that they need another person to make it go away.
Instead of dismissing it, try sitting with it: "I can see you're really worried about this right now. What does the worry feel like?" You are not fixing it; you are just being with them in it. That alone brings the temperature down.
3. Help them map the anxiety in their body
Younger kids do not have the vocabulary to say, "I am experiencing anxiety." They just know their tummy hurts or their chest is tight. Once a child can say, "Oh, that's my anxiety talking," it loses some of its power. It goes from a nameless, overwhelming threat to a manageable feeling.
Try this at home: When your child is calm (not in the middle of a meltdown), talk about what anxiety feels like physically. Draw an outline of a person and have them color in where they feel the "worry bug." Building body awareness is the first step in emotional regulation.
4. Practice tools when things are calm
Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding exercises. These tools work. But here is the catch: if the first time your child tries deep breathing is in the middle of a panic spiral, it is going to fail. These tools must be practiced when the nervous system is completely calm so the brain knows how to access them when things escalate.
We have more on specific techniques in our guide to mindfulness exercises for stress relief, which includes exercises you can practice together as a family.
5. Narrate your own stress regulation
This one can sting a little, but it is worth saying. Kids are constantly watching how we handle our own stress. If we catastrophize about traffic or snap at a partner after a hard day, our children absorb that. They learn that the world is inherently stressful and that big feelings come out sideways.
You do not have to be perfectly zen. Instead, model the coping out loud: "I am feeling really frustrated right now, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths before I figure out what to do." That real-time narration teaches a child more than any worksheet ever will.
6. Take an honest look at screen time
The research on this keeps getting clearer: kids who spend large chunks of their day on devices tend to be more anxious. Some of that is driven by content, especially social media for older kids and teens. But much of it is about what screen time displaces: physical activity, unstructured play, and face-to-face connection.
You don't need to confiscate every screen in the house, but if your child's anxiety has been ramping up, implementing clear digital boundaries is a necessary step.
7. Focus on confidence, not elimination
The goal of therapy is not to eliminate your child's anxiety. The goal is to teach them they are strong enough to handle it. When we rush in to remove every source of stress (like letting them stay home every time they fear school), we accidentally send the message that they can't cope.
When we help them sit with the discomfort, problem-solve, and come out the other side, we build genuine resilience. The feeling of "I did a hard thing" is the ultimate antidote to anxiety.
8. Know when to call a professional
It can be hard to tell the difference between a tough developmental phase and a clinical issue. Many parents I work with say they waited too long because they kept hoping it would just pass. It is time to speak to a child therapist if you notice:
- Worry that doesn't let up even after the stressful event has passed.
- Sleep disruptions that have become a persistent pattern.
- Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches) with no medical explanation.
- Avoidance of activities they previously loved.
Anxiety responds incredibly well to treatment, and the earlier we start, the more tools we have to help. Trust your instincts as a parent. If something feels off, it is worth looking into.
In person and virtual sessions available
If your child has been struggling with anxiety and you're not sure what the next step is, I'm here. You can fill out the contact form below or call me at 818-403-5439. I see kids and families in person at my Agoura Hills office and virtually anywhere in California.
